A Real Life Example of Why I Made the Switch to Collaborative

Here's a prime example of the kinds of emotions that led me to change my divorce practice to Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce -----

I was in a grocery store and I was approached by a man I did not know but who knew me. He called me by my first name, and when I acknowledged him, he said, ”Your Tracy Timby,” an d went on to say that I had written some lies about him. By his side was his 7 year old daughter who looked understandably confused. I asked him in what context I wrote about him, and when he told me his name, I realized that he was the soon-to-be-ex of one of my litigation clients.I also realized that I was not allowed to talk to him because he had an attorney (that's one of those rules we attorneys have to follow - no "ex parte" communication).

I told him I couldn’t talk to him without his attorney being present. He decided to continue, however, and went on to point to his daughter and say "Look at her…this is who you are hurting". Ironic, huh? He put his child in the middle of a conversation about his divorce during the time he is supposed to spend with her...and then purposely makes her the center of his anger!

I haven't blogged much about my practice this past 10 days or so because I was trying to figure out this INSANITY. Then, I realized what got me into this area of law in the first place...it needed good guys. The more the word spreads about alternatives to litigated divorce, the less grocery store incidents we will have. The people I work with in alternative divorces are sad, yes. Bitter, maybe...but ultimately thankful that they were able to work out the divorce while minimizing the trauma to themselves and their children.

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Alternative means to divorce are sweeping the country

I have something called "Google Alerts" set to email me whenever someone on the internet mentions Collaborative Divorce or Divorce Mediation. Guess what? People are talking about Collaborative Divorce and Mediation all over the country in the form of:

Blog Posts

Websites (like mine)

Web Articles

E-Zines

...and this occurs every day. Hopefully, everything we have been talking about for months is starting to sink in! We use software that tells us live where people from all over the country have been checking out my website. We get people from Atlanta to Oregon and California to New Hampshire...so pass on the word:

If You Are Going To Divorce...You Don't Have To Ruin The Children.

(Seriously...can you'all tell a few people about this? www.timbyhunt.com. Maybe we can save a few children.)

Monday at 10:34pm

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To Mediate Or Not To Mediate? (or, asked in another way,) Do You Listen?

Every summer I seem to have an influx of mediation cases. This summer was no different. In divorce mediation, the couple meets with a trained mediator to try and come to agreements on issues with their children, their stuff (assets and liabilities) and support.

As the mediator, I am a neutral and cannot give legal advice. I am there to facilitate constructive communication and help the couple really listen to each other.

One couple recently came in and, as I explained this to them, they said "Well, we can talk to each other just fine, why do we need you?" It's a question I get often. The key is most couples say they can "talk", BUT they don't say they can "listen." As a divorce mediator, I help them listen to what their partner is saying and stay focused on discussing the issues...NOT what brought them to the decision to divorce.

September 4 at 11:37pm

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New York judge orders mother to make children available for Skype visits

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

I just finished reading the above article. In summary, it is about a mother who went to court seeking permission to move from New York to Florida with her children. Not only does she have family there, she was offered a great job.

In a divorce where the courts are involved, parents cannot move out of the area if it will effect the other parent's custodial time. Either the party gets a court order or there is an agreement between the two parties. The latter is the kind of work I do for clients, because the shock of things like this can be managed and made easier to deal with.

My neighbors just told their daughter they were moving. It was very traumatic for her...and they aren't even divorcing! Think what the children have to go through with something like this. Imagine the additional anguish that comes when a child is made to testify at a relocation hearing. I applaud the judge in this New York case for getting creative with the use of Skype. It is just a shame the parents couldn't avoid litigation.

Any comments, guys? I think we need to try to remind everybody that this is going on all around them.

August 25 at 12:24pm

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