An email from a friend that applies to many...

Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

Here's an email from a friend that I received permission to share with everybody. I know that what she says here applies to many, if not all of you, even if you and your spouse get along. It is one small paragraph that encompasses so much about the world of divorcing couples and I hope some of you can share similar (or... opposite) feelings right here on my Facebook page:

(names changed) "This is a wonderful concept. I plan to forward this to both Patty and Susan. Patty unfortunately has friends in the midst of very ugly divorces which leads me to believe that somehow we are programmed to think that it is just the way it is when it just doesn't have to be that way at all, especially if children are in the mix. Too much anger. Too much fighting over money, etc. In Susan's case, a lot of her friends are in long term but unmarried relationships...she needs to heed your father's advice about pre-nups and so do they, with or without the marriage license (in other words, written financial agreements), which is something to think about. Good luck with this very promising business module. Be well.

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How to keep the lawyer's fees WAY down...

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

If either the man or the woman in a divorce feels like they got "robbed or taken", it's because it is a decision dictated to them. Consequently, they look for people to blame and often it is the attorneys. So now...not only do we have regular, conflict-oriented divorce lawyers...but, when one of the parties is unhappy with the settlement, they can look for a malpractice lawyer that will sue the lawyer that got them the settlement in the first place!

The Collaborative process of divorce puts the decisions in the hands of the couple. Four way discussions between the parties and the attorneys are forward thinking and goal oriented. If the couple decides the goal is that their child has a close relationship with both parents, agreements are structured around this goal.

Couples who divorce collaboratively are happier with the outcome and are ready to move on to the next stage of their life. They are not looking back, seeking someone to blame. They are not letting it consume them AFTER the divorce is over. No mess and less lawyer fees.

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Keeping Divorce Fees Down

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

More and more divorcing couples are living in the same house when going through a divorce. Some of you may remember the classic movie "The War of the Roses"?

Bananas in tailpipes, music blaring all night, spark plugs being removed from cars - these are only a few things I saw before I became a collaborative divorce lawyer. When couples are duking it out in court it is EASY to continue the fight at home.

It is especially hard for the children to watch. More often than not children blame themselves for the animosity between their parents. Studies suggest that it is not the actual divorce that traumatizes the children but how the parents behave.

Now take those scared kids and MULTIPLY it by every fighting couple out there who is blind to the what they are doing. http://bit.ly/dcoZIZ

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First ever Collaborative Practice Symposium

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

I read a new term today, and I love it: “Healthy Divorce.”

Here’s an excerpt of the article. The link to the full one is below:

"One judge, who was sympathetic to Collaborative Practice, told me she had to control herself from, and I quote, 'the rage of hearing cash registers go ca-chink, ca-chink in her head, as the wisest argument for going back and forth over obstacles her clients kept creating," Bair said.

The link to this can be found at:

First Ever Collaborative Practice Symposium Examines Benefits of 'Healthy' Divorce

bit.ly

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I believe it...

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact I haven't finished writing my blog post on this yet, but in the mean time, you'all should take a look at this from Good Morning America

http://bit.ly/agLEVy

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Financially destructive and destructive of people

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact According to a study by the University of Ohio, divorce is the number one destroyer of wealth in this country. People who divorce lose an average of 3/4th of their net worth. This, of course, includes attorneys' fees but also likely is related to poor decision making born from emotional overload.

Divorcing is stressful and sad and sometimes bitter. If you work within a process that recognizes all of this and helps you deal with it though it doesn't have to destroy your future. Collaborative divorce utilizes professionals for all of the various facets of the divorce -

-Psychologists specializing stress management, grief and coping.-

-A child specialist who gives your child a person to talk to about how the divorce makes him/her feel.-

-AND Financial planners/Accountants to demonstrate the long range effects of a proposed property settlement.-

At the point of divorce, you cannot go back, you cannot undo but you can look forward and minimize the damage.

Funny, but in Tiger's case...he won all those tournaments whilst married! Since the standard divorce has begun...he can't even make the cut.

USATODAY.com - Study: Marriage builds wealth and divorce destroys it

www.usatoday.com

A study by an Ohio State University researcher shows that a person who marries and stays married accumulates nearly twice as much personal wealth as a person who is single or divorced.

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Make divorcing expensive...it is already for the kids.

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

So, I have been a divorce attorney for about 14 years and...

What I have concluded during my tenure is it should be made harder to get married. Right now it only costs about $50 give or take to get a marriage license. Of course, you can increase the cost by the expense of the reception etc. But legally, it is a very low cost thing.

But, given the lack of thought that many people put into ending the marriage, maybe it should cost $10,000 to get a license in the first place. If you think about it, marriage is one of the most expensive partnerships a person can enter into - expenses for houses, cars, kids, retirement, education. No one adds it up because it's crazy, yet it only costs about $50 to jump in. Did I say kids? Yes I did...can value be put on YOUR KIDS?

Like it or not, when there is money required up front, people give their choices more consideration.

http://bit.ly/9PjXwU

bit.ly

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Why do you have to get me involved?

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact I had a conversation recently with another attorney who relayed that a prospective client proposed collaborative divorce to his wife and her response was "You're not getting off that easy!" Well, does she think she was going to get off easy?

First, no divorce is easy. I doubt you will find one person who on the day they got married fully expected to get divorced. Most people don't enter into marriage without at least some commitment to it. Also, most married people don't have a child, thinking that they will ultimately live apart from the child's mother or father. Any divorce is traumatic and hard.

So, obviously, sitting down with the person you probably dislike more than anyone at that point in time is harder than turning it over to an attorney.

But, in collaborative, parties have to make the decisions along with legal counsel. These are not easy decisions but they are your decisions and they are made with a pro. In five, ten, fifteen years you will at least feel that during the divorce you had a say in your future. You didn't sit back while attorneys and judges told you what your future would be.
http://bit.ly/dcoZIZ

July 14 at 6:51pm

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Thinking About the Children

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact A couple I met with today in a divorce mediation session brought to light yet another benefit of Collaborative Divorce that comes up frequently...bad behavior of the children.

In this case, the couple was experiencing behavioral issues with their 20 something year old. Now I don't want to go into details here, but wespent a session discussing a game plan for them to deal with their son's issues together as parents...despite the fact that they are seperated and divorcing.

In a traditional divorce, the parties are so polarized that these types of issues get overlooked at best or become the subject of a new battle that finds its way into all other divorce issues, increasing time spent by attorneys and thus legal fees.

I know this is going to work out for them and I am really excited.

http://bit.ly/d3cAgR

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