In custody litigation, everyone loses.

TimbyHunt - Divorcing While Keeping The Children in Tact

I just received the recommendation of a private custody evaluator in one of my litigated custody matters. The child has lived in one household for quite awhile and had limited contact with the other parent. She is quite torn between the parent she lives with now and the parent she has begun to visit. If she enjoys herself in either place, the adults treat it as a betrayal.

To add to all of this she is a teenager. The recommendation was needed because no agreement between the adults could be reached as to where the child should attend school this year. I lost. But, in custody litigation everyone loses. Parents are pitted against each other with the child in the middle. A decision has to be made and there is a perceived winner as the outcome is in their favor.
At what cost?

Is the "win" of your school district worth all of the destruction that has occurred when your child sees and hears you tear down and rip apart his/her Father or Mother?

The "win" doesn't make it any less confusing for the child, can he/she love you both? She's probably thinking "Why do you hate each other so much?"

Add to this the subconscious absorption of the knowledge that this is how relationships are, that one should not expect to be treated any better than this. The child has no outlet, no input.

In Collaborative, child specialists are enlisted to help transition children whose parents are divorcing. They have someone they can talk to about what is happening and how that is affecting them. Children begin to separate what is happening between their parents from themselves. Parents work with divorce coaches to deal with their emotions so they can keep the children out of the middle. Parents learn to cope with the dissolution of their marriage and work on how to preserve the family relationships.

Stay tuned for more of these real life examples. If this divorce could only have been done the other way, would their teenage girl have been better off? If YOU are one of the readers of this, I'm curious to know what you think...

Visit Timby Hunt to learn more about Collaborative Divorce.