This can be a particularly difficult
time for those contemplating or going through a divorce. Happy memories
may lead to sadness and grief over the loss of the marriage; or unhappy
memories may continue to ruin holidays far into the future. Despite
the decision to divorce, all couples have some happy memories or they
would not have married each other. There was a time they loved
each other. The easier thing to do is to put all those memories in a
"box" either literally or just in a far corner of the mind.
This time of year is especially difficult for couples with children as kids
remember everything! The kids may end up not wanting to recall past
celebrations though because they don't want to make Mom or Dad feel bad or make
them angry. Throw in some former or soon to be former in-laws who are more
than willing to bring up the bad memories and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Couples who divorce collaboratively
learn how to communicate and reach compromises with each other. This in turn allows them to share special
occasions and holidays with each other and possibly extended family without
hostility. This is not to say that the
traditions stay the same, they will most likely change but, when Mom or Dad
drop the children off for a holiday celebration
it doesn’t occur at the police station or at the curb where Mom has to
stay in the car under court order. The parents can share a “Merry Christmas” or
a “Happy New Year” and the children feel secure and loved.
Financially, couples who divorce
collaboratively are able to bring a financial professional to the negotiations.
Financial professionals help the couple to achieve their separate future
financial goals. When couples are focused
on the future, they are less likely to dwell on what brought them to divorce
and allow emotion to color financial decisions. Holidays are much easier when
one of the spouses doesn’t feel like he or she got the short end of the deal.
Oh and those nasty emotions –
ignoring the feeling part of divorce is a recipe for long-term disaster. Dealing with the emotions and the fears with
the aid of a divorce coach helps individuals move on emotionally and they are
subsequently happier with the decisions they make and the life they build post
divorce.
Divorce doesn't have to be a
terrible end to the family and the holiday memories; it can just as easily be a
beginning of a new kind of family who can bring the happy memories from the
past with them into the future.
If you are contemplating divorce or
in the middle of one as the holidays approach consider reaching out to one of
the professionals of the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group, http://buckscountycollaborativelaw.com/html/members.htm. For more on my practice go to www.timbyhunt.com.
