Within the last month, Bucks County residents were riveted to news of the wrath and rumbling of an earthquake, the fury of Hurricane Irene and yes, the breakup of J.Lo and Marc Anthony as well as Hollywood couple, Will and Jada Smith. All this and Halloween is on the horizon. Can it get any scarier?
As we continue on the fast track to the holiday season, this can be a particularly difficult time for those going through a divorce. Happy memories may lead to sadness and grief over the loss of the marriage; or unhappy memories can continue to ruin holidays far into the future.
While it may seem easiest to pack those memories in a "box”, either literally or just in a far corner of the mind, divorcing couples with children may find the “most wonderful time of the year” (as the holiday songs would like you to think,) less than “wonderful”. Some children will drag you down memory lane reminiscing the smallest of holiday details, while other kids may end up not wanting to recall past celebrations because they don't want Mom or Dad to feel badly or make them angry. Throw in some former or soon to be “former” in-laws who are more than willing to bring up the bad memories and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Couples who divorce collaboratively learn communication skills and the art of compromise which may be the best gift to both you and the kids this holiday. Collaborative divorce allows special occasions and holidays to be celebrated with each other and possibly extended family without hostility for years to come.
This is not to say that the holiday traditions stay the same. Family celebrations will most likely change, but when Mom or Dad drop the children off for a holiday gathering, it doesn’t occur at the police station or at the curb where Mom has to stay in the car under court order. The parents can express a “Merry Christmas” or share a “Happy New Year” and the children feel secure and loved.
December holidays remind us that another year is coming to a close. Couples who divorce collaboratively tap into the expertise of a financial planner while negotiating, which helps the couple to set separate future financial goals.
Couples who are focused on the future are less likely to dwell on what brought them to divorce or allow emotion to color financial decisions. Holidays are much easier when one of the spouses doesn’t feel like he or she got the short end of the deal.
Divorce doesn't have to be a terrible end to the family which robs a family of holiday memories. Couples who divorce collaboratively set their sights on the beginning of a new kind of family and bring the happy memories from the past with them into the future.
