Arnold and Maria...How It Probably Occurred

Reports yesterday morning told the story of the separation of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger after 25 years of marriage. She's 55 and he's 63 and their children are 14, 18, 20 and 21. In their joint statement they focused on the children - "We are continuing to parent our four children together," they said. "They are the light and the center of both of our lives."
More and more couples in long term marriages are considering separation and divorce. There is a focus on a new part of their life - a transition.


Maria Shriver did a video post on this at the end of March. Watch her short video here.


The reason for the timing of the announcement is the subject of much speculation. In my experience though, couples who have made the difficult decision to divorce often want to use the summer months to transition their children. The older Shriver/Schwarzenegger children are likely finishing up their Spring semesters at college while the younger one is just about to the end of his school year.


The first step in the Collaborative process is to find an attorney who is trained and experienced in working with conflict resolution. Resources such as the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group are very helpful in identifying attorneys who are dedicated to Collaborative.


Sometimes clients get referrals from counselors or their churches or synagogues. Call a few Collaborative attorneys (or call me); meet with them and then evaluate them in terms of how committed they are to helping you transition to your post-divorce life, not how interested they are in winning the case for you. Winning the case only gets you so far. Focusing on where you want your life to go and what your goals are for the future are important steps in restructuring your life.


In Collaborative, appropriate professionals are used along with attorneys so clients have the knowledge needed to make rational, thoughtful decisions. Financial advisors can project what each spouses retirement will look like in 10, 15, 20 years. Child specialists help the children with their thoughts and emotions and divorce coaches break the barriers of anxiety, anger and grief that can prevent couples from making decisions and coming to agreements.


Once you have a Collaborative attorney you feel you can work with, you need to talk to your spouse about working Collaboratively. Your attorney can provide you with written information to share with your spouse. Usually, even couples who are absolutely at odds with each other, can agree on trying to minimize the adverse effect of divorce on their children.