The Holidays are coming - You have a choice to keep them happy with Collaborative Divorce

This can be a particularly difficult time for those contemplating or going through a divorce.  Happy memories may lead to sadness and grief over the loss of the marriage; or unhappy memories may continue to ruin holidays far into the future.  Despite the decision to divorce, all couples have some happy memories or they would not have married each other.  There was a time they loved each other.  The easier thing to do is to put all those memories in a "box" either literally or just in a far corner of  the mind.  This time of year is especially difficult for couples with children as kids remember everything! The kids may end up not wanting to recall past celebrations though because they don't want to make Mom or Dad feel bad or make them angry.  Throw in some former or soon to be former in-laws who are more than willing to bring up the bad memories and it’s a recipe for disaster. 

Couples who divorce collaboratively learn how to communicate and reach compromises with each other.  This in turn allows them to share special occasions and holidays with each other and possibly extended family without hostility.  This is not to say that the traditions stay the same, they will most likely change but, when Mom or Dad drop the children off for a holiday celebration  it doesn’t occur at the police station or at the curb where Mom has to stay in the car under court order. The parents can share a “Merry Christmas” or a “Happy New Year” and the children feel secure and loved.

Financially, couples who divorce collaboratively are able to bring a financial professional to the negotiations. Financial professionals help the couple to achieve their separate future financial goals.  When couples are focused on the future, they are less likely to dwell on what brought them to divorce and allow emotion to color financial decisions. Holidays are much easier when one of the spouses doesn’t feel like he or she got the short end of the deal.

Oh and those nasty emotions – ignoring the feeling part of divorce is a recipe for long-term disaster.  Dealing with the emotions and the fears with the aid of a divorce coach helps individuals move on emotionally and they are subsequently happier with the decisions they make and the life they build post divorce.

Divorce doesn't have to be a terrible end to the family and the holiday memories; it can just as easily be a beginning of a new kind of family who can bring the happy memories from the past with them into the future.

If you are contemplating divorce or in the middle of one as the holidays approach consider reaching out to one of the professionals of the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group, http://buckscountycollaborativelaw.com/html/members.htm. For more on my practice go to www.timbyhunt.com.